Live

That poster says it all. Sadly, we (okay, I) don't learn lessons from posters. Instead, I have to learn the hard way. I make mistakes. Big mistakes, small mistakes, medium mistakes--you name 'em, I make 'em.

Then I learn from those mistakes.

Of course, I don't just make and learn from mistakes. I am getting old-ish, after all; I've accumulated all sorts of genuine, time-certified experiences, and I learn from those, too.

So here I am, with some lessons learned and the awareness of many lessons yet to come. I'll never know it all, but at least I know myself.

Now I can tell you my passions. Now I am not afraid to do things I love and be selfish with my time when necessary. Now I know that I have some gifts, quirky and modest as they are, and I am confident enough to use those gifts. I can look at that poster and realize mine is a life not wasted, but lived. A life at once guarded and shared. I can look at that poster and just say, "Amen. the End."

The thing about that poster is that twenty or even ten years ago, I might have smiled, nodded, and enjoyed the sentiment. In fact, I'd have thought, "I get it."

I would have been wrong. I would have been blissfully, belligerently wrong.

But, as I mentioned, I'm getting old-ish.

I watch my family and friends with younger kids gladly dispensing juice boxes and Cheetos, running to practices and games, and I know they are putting their all into parenting those kids. I did the same thing, and was rewarded with kids who are people I want to know--people I like. Yes, I watch these parents happily raise their children and occasionally talk about having no life. "It passes," I say. "You'll get your life--your self-- back." What I can't begin to explain to them is that the self you get back will be different from the one you gladly let fall to the side in a tumble of diapers, dress-up clothes, jerseys, knee pads, and duffel bags.

This self? This new self? You've never met her, but you will. She'll emerge from a mountain of laundry and teenage trials and tribulations a different person, a person who somehow found herself while looking after everyone else.

And then? Well, then you will get this poster.